life is so good right now
and i've got so much to spare
i don't care about you anymore
i'm so light, just so content

i'm just feeling you out, but you're all smooth and closed tight.
no way in.

the newest is my favorite, it cant be self indulgent or vindictive, just linear and flowing gently, it's real nice.
my bed is too warm, it's burning my legs, and you are lovely, we should spend more time together.

YOU ARE BORING AND I AM DRUNK.
YOU ARE BORING AND I AM DRUNK.
YOU ARE BORING AND I AM DRUNK.
YOU ARE BORING AND I AM DRUNK.
YOU ARE BORING AND I AM DRUNK.
YOU ARE BORING AND I AM DRUNK.
YOU ARE BORING AND I AM DRUNK.
YOU ARE BORING AND I AM DRUNK.
YOU ARE BORING AND I AM DRUNK.
YOU ARE BORING AND I AM DRUNK.
YOU ARE BORING AND I AM DRUNK.
YOU ARE BORING AND I AM DRUNK.
YOU ARE BORING AND I AM DRUNK.
YOU ARE BORING AND I AM DRUNK.
YOU ARE BORING AND I AM DRUNK.
AND WHEN YOU IS DRUNK. NO FUN.

this doesn't seem right
i was really scared you know
just terribly terrified of it
doesn't mean i wasn't in it though
i'm still in it, still waiting for the next
listening to this makes it all so ripe
throws me right back into and through the loop
it would have been nice to see you again
for nothing more than sight and smiles.

i had forgotten all about this place

i can't dismiss the beauty in anything
the beauty of my inability to speak
my inconsistency with words
the inability to spell and pronounce
is nothing of which i intended
and less of which you will understand
the still frame sat before me is vast
but doused in smoke and mist
clouded by hazy eyes
and wet by milky teeth
i smell your burning as you rest inside my throat
and linger on the surface of my tongue
to the one who cannot lift her hand for seconds to pass
to the one clouded by a dozen smokey thoughts
you are incoherent and you are destructible
you cannot feel my fingertips anymore
and your imagination has faded
you speak to me as if i am not within
you speak to me with a silent buzzing
you won't stop
you speak to me for days on end

just saw it again, and
it's not that i miss it, i don't miss it.

it is really strange, being blindsided by these little flickers of the way it used to feel the last time i listened to this, i'm suddenly right back into it and i'm breathless. i suppose it bares a similar ethos to facing a fear. to maybe holding a spider, or jumping out of a plane, but where adrenaline consumes, lethargy replaces, and i don't like it.

i really fucking miss you
it's not like i can voice this adequately
or speak in tongues, poised, paused sporadically
all i can do in present state of mind
is recite normality, no riddles, no simile
it's so very obvious, born from the same kind
but now you're absent and i'm left
and like i said previously, aimlessly, innocently:
i really fucking miss you.

i've been silently waiting for this time to waver
although i'd never tell, i am fickle
time passed through, i only want to savour this
i can yield my guard, all pretenses are thrown, discarded
and i can taste it rich, the flavour is stronger than i
though i can still envision myself entombed in this room
teleporting endless from the aching comfort of my bed
you're always curled around me, inside

this is a bit of alright

i am safe without it i am safe without it
but i feel all this way leaning on this way
i steal, i heal i'll do it again
over and over and over and over

i can see the whole sky's stretch now
and on a different note, my dreams are full again

each time like this with you is like the first time
just like we're sixteen again and we are so happy

i just read something unsettling, and i didn't flinch once, i can't even recall blinking

beauty's in the eye of the beholder
i was lucky enough to be near her so i told her
funnily enough i missed the freckles on her shoulder
and that even on the hottest of nights her skin was colder

i'm okay with this.

i am ever so light now
all seems alright now
i have no urges to fight
or to frighten anyone now
i can feel myself gravitating
not climbing anymore, just floating up with ease
this smile isn't premeditated
i can't eagerly hate anymore
and i know you don't care anymore
but i'm fine now and i forgive you

you actually do consider all this to be conceivable
though your perseverance i have to say is much more admirable
trying to project this persona filled of amiable qualities
preaching god and forgiveness outward, outward, outward
you are a joke
i'd like to think you hit sent and shivered, switched right in your head
but i know better, i know of your persevering ignorance
you've got your fingers crumpled, your mind has fumbled
'cause it's nothing of loyalty, there are no ties binding you and me
the only similarity we bear is a tainted surname
our time has fizzled and any memory shared darkened
it's easy for you to shift focus and eagerly place blame
if you like i could offer you a slanted perspective
without shedding breath i could put you to shame
but something's diverged right there in your brain
there's no direction present, nothing poignant to say
something that never was, i simply asked you to pay
your rebuttal delivered was full of hate, contempt, shame
so if you don't mind i'll cut you off, and simply denigrate you all day


i'm not angry anymore

i'm in love

the fear sets in, of knowing how short our time is
the shortness of a stride
not a single excuse to prove that we were meant for this

everything starts to spin all at once

and if you hear something strange in my voice
oh its conviction, detest my words
they have no well meaning

run your fingers back and forth over this sheet of paper
run your fingers back and forth over this

so where's the heart?
its not coming through
who is this for?
so where's the heart?

and if you hear something strange in my voice, oh its conviction
detest my words, they have no well meaning
were caught between the storms that never mattered

oh dear puppet wake up and cut the strings before the last show
i believe that this is in your blood, by all means
take your place, take your place
put yourself into this letter
we've all had it alright
we dropped the ball.

maman est morte, ou peut-être hier, je ne sais pas.

You know that feeling, when you're up high looking across somewhere vast, and you say to yourself, 'I want to be out there, out at the farthest point' it's like a longing for something more magnificent. but it's not just that you want to be somewhere else, and not even only in one part of the picture, you want to be in all of it, you want to wrap yourself around it, because lets face it if you were placed across the view you'd simply turn around and say 'well now I just want to be over there'. I guess I'm waiting for the day when I can stand on top of a hill with a myriad of sights stretched out in front, and think to myself, I couldn't care less about longing, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here. that'd be dead nice.

i can't wait to be able to write something nice again, something pleasant to read.

i don't even

it seems like all i ever do is silently miss you. there really is nothing that can be said to dampen this, nothing could ever do you justice. i wish there were a way to think of you without that empty sinking feeling, i love to hear things about you, about when you were young and to hear how much i remind people of you, but anything heard or thought about is endlessly coupled with this prominent gut ache, it's all bitter sweet. i really wish you were here tonight, it's only recently hit me, but i don't really know what to do without you, everything is a little more pointless, all shaded slightly pastel, it's dull. i wonder what you would say if you could speak, it really would be nice to know what your voice sounds like. God I miss you.

why were you so scared?

my eyes are stinging, they don't focus
and everything in front is covered in film
it's all shrouded by clouds but i still see it
there are two moons out tonight
one half one full, so covered, so barely lit

it's nice to meet you

i don't hate you anymore, and i'll tell everyone
i can't hate you anymore, hate is far too strong a word
and i promise i'll begin to let you back in
i'll talk to you now, you can get to know me again
i know you cant read this, it's okay it's here for me


and to you. yes you. just go away.
at least try your hand at subtlety.
if you don't like it, stop reading it. you prick.

for once

won't you, won't you fill me up with it
why don't you fill me up with it, won't you fill me
won't you, won't you fill me up with it
why don't you fill me up with it
why don't you fill me, won't you
won't you fill me up with it, why don't you fill me up with it
why don't you fill me up

the air tastes so much sweeter today
i'm real content

i can't listen to them anymore.
i hate that, they were fast becoming one of my favourites.
nevermind.

everything is falling into place
i have such a good feeling about this

oh man

This is not healthy.

creptin

i don't even read it anymore
i just look outside the words
focus on the spaces, no rhythm heard
and it's not even listening anymore
not even half of what i breathed before
and yeah okay, i miss it
and i keep getting little snippets
flashing, dashing under closed eyelids
breathing steady, beneath sheets tightly hid
still, it is what it is, and what it is, is shit

it's been five years and some change
and this world is getting so strange
but this house smells just the same
but my mom, my sweet mom
she don't remember my name

i sit on her bed and kiss right behind the ear
she calls out for a dog that's been dead for a year
i say how is it going just like i didn't know
i hold on to both of her hands too afraid to let go
and five times exactly no more or no less
she says how you been eating boy
and i say, okay i guess
in this room where she made me each day she grows weak
she flips on the golden girls and the first tear hits my cheek

it's been five years

these boys keep my feet glued down
i can't begin to explain how much

taste

this is exactly how i feel right now, lovely

not even slightly

i can't get over how quick, just how fast

there's just something pure unyielding unscathed
she has once again repeated the night, not wasted time
not wasted breath, no silence shed, no words left kept
so open, so vivid, alive bursting through my sheets
so try as i might i can't hate you anymore
this one is something else
there is nowhere in dreams that i'd rather be
all those salted ashes have fluttered away
and there is nothing but this surrounding me

check in

reiteration is the utmost objection to veer from
it's dozens of times now i've said it's enough
more time than limbs i've halfheartedly made the decision
to stop this fizzling in my cranium
it's gnawing at my thought patterns
screen is buzzing profusely it doesn't falter
today was the last time, this is done i promise
i'm one short stumble away from engulfing
all and everything they have worked so hard to steer me from
i don't want to do this anymore, don't want to be fuzzy and disorganised
but it's okay, i've done it before
it's begun to chip away my exterior
it's enough, i'm so tired of this maneuver
i'm out, i'm done


you have no idea, not anymore, nothing of me
i'm trying to walk in a straight line, just trying to keep my eyes open

cringe

i can't stand you

your blog looks so lonely
oh dear, oh dear

i reserve my capital letters and correct punctuation for tumblr

'Black
Then…
Eternal darkness
Then…
Black, empty consciousness
Then…
Warmth?
Then…
Recognition of self.
Then…
A presence
Behind me
Then…
Development of sense of self
Then…
Red, red, red, RED, RED, RED, RED!!!!'

i walked to fast, sped up, now i'm just running, fucking sprinting to the line, my legs don't ache yet, i don't need to inhale yet, only run away; then collapse ready for 3 days of onslaught, 4 days of fatigue, a week of regret, months of denial, years of dependence > 3 hours of ecstasy.
i can't do this anymore.

terrified

i had it all thought out; what i was going to write
the end of tonight, edging into morning
i've had my phone on vibrate for 3 weeks now
i can't bear the sound of incoming message
what i want to write with all honesty is that i hate
i want to convey a message filled with contempt
just want to convey something to annihilate
but i can't, it's painful, only a dull ache
touching most of every corner that i digress
i guess you can say i'm just a mess
til now a whole new lower level of mess
i have to slow, to stop this soon
whilst i've still got strength left to put myself together
and pull the pieces of my head back in good order
they're scattered everywhere, dotted sporadic
this is it, this has to stop, i have to stop
i'm ever so slowly killing myself

so easy

surely i shouldn't be allowed to have this many fucking brilliant people surrounding me. i would do anything for you two. it's so effortless.

people in glass houses

quote or unquoted. pathetic. undeserving. reserved uneducated.
eyes ears nose and mouth mouth mouth mouth mouth, dance, deep breaths.

£148 BABY! tonight has been oh so superior!

explanations & expectations

don't think

there's something headed in your direction and it's not pretty
you don't get to dish out copious amounts of shit without defiance, explanation or consequences
you should have considered the subject before the deed

Pretend.Relive.Regret

i can't get enough

what a peculiar night

i didn't think it could get any better
good GOD i was wrong
i've been here before
i've seen it
larger than life, right good

talking talk talky talk

You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
You may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
You may ask yourself, "Well, how did I get here?"

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again, after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground

And you may ask yourself, "How do I work this?"
And you may ask yourself, "Where is that large automobile?"
And you may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful house"
And you may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful wife"

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again, after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was

Water dissolving and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Under the water, carry the water
Remove the water from the bottom of the ocean
Water dissolving and water removing

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again, into the silent water
Under the rocks and stones, there is water underground

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Leting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again, after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground

You may ask yourself, "What is that beautiful house?"
You may ask yourself, "Where does that highway go to?"
You may ask yourself, "Am I right, am I wrong?"
You may say to yourself, "My God! What have I done?"

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again, into the silent water
Under the rocks and stones, there is water underground

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again, after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was
Same as it ever was, look where my hand was

Time isn't holding up, time isn't after us
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was
Same as it ever was, hey let's all twist our thumbs
Here comes the twister

Letting the days go by
Letting the days go by
Once in a lifetime
Let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by

vibrating at a low frequency again
let's get back to nothing but frivolity
i'll welcome home my whole family
and reintroduce levity to the city
because right now it's lacking

HAVE

GOT

TO

GET

OUT

deep breaths

.
.
.
.
.
.





i am so ready to leave this place for good

timelessly

this might just be my favourite. it is.
heads or tails? real or not:

'Alison; i know this world is killing you'

1991

i don't think about you too much anymore
don't see you in quite the same way
you're an essence of light, you're right today
though the thought of you drags me back, pulls me back away
onto an empty road, doused in shadowed skies
still, how much of you is built on a stack of lies
how much of your light is alive inside my eyes
and how much of me cries for you throughout the night
how many tears have soaked my sheets, how many dried by sunrise

you can't even begin to comprehend how destructive this is
when, and only when you can, will i listen to what you have to say

i don't like

cracked lips

4ever

&ever

take some time to dissolve and digest
because i have no energy left to dedicate to real words
only pray i don't do anything else foolish
just rest my eyes and draw in the glow
it's dark now, with candles everywhere
laughter threads, soaking up atmosphere

she really hit the nail on the head with the last one
she's got you all figured out sweetheart

that's right, don't say another word

starting to feel more like home
emptying out the spaces

my fingers are really tingling
and my ears, ever so slightly ringing
my head is kind of caving
all of which are from my own making
the scratches are lightly raised today
nytol tablets and cigarettes
not the best of concoctions
take two and pause for the reaction

it is way past dawn
but it's still morning

i forgot just how wonderful this was
brilliant, my face is aching
oh yes

oh jonny you hero, you make my back ache

scrape all your endeavours and push them together

life is so good right now, if a little overbearing
i can't find it anywhere in myself not to wear a grin
though i'm a bit lonely in my new half glass room
in a bed too big, with walls too tall and blindingly white
lets have a sleepover, perched under shadowed dotted lights
just half inside, halfway out

moving into my new room, i found 15 years worth of simon's diaries from before. i shouldn't read them. i shouldn't read them. i shouldn't read them. i shouldn't read them. i shouldn't read them. i shouldn't read them. i shouldn't read them. i shouldn't read them. i shouldn't. i can't.

26th april 1987...

oh god

three, four years and we're still going strong
i could age with you for a lifetime, and it still wouldn't be too long
i have so much time to offer to you
every other piece of myself has been altered by you
momentary relapse and functionally challenged
but i'd take it any other way with a sour look, pained
i can't bring myself to lie, even petty, though there are some i must upkeep
there's still a mirror part of me that you can't reflect, some i must retreat
something underneath you might never see, something dark and kept
don't fret though, i'll save you my light, and the echoes of laughter
and we'll charm throughout the night, and roll onto the next chapter
i'm so happy that i am aging with you
so content the next page yet to come features you
don't disappear before i do, let's drive it out, you me them me and you
you'll always be my number one
three, four years on and we'll still be going strong
tears are rarely shed, but i could cry at how much i do
and it's rarely ever said, but you know, i really fucking love you!


it's the good life better than the life i live when i thought that i was gonna go crazy
and now my grandmama ain't the only girl calling me baby
if you feeling me now then put your hands up in the sky
and let me hear you say hey hey hey hey i'm good

i can't even remember the date
when was it, when the hell was it?
oh my god, this has truly destroyed me

prick up

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUjfPVFhxhE

1131

look, my eyes remain milky again and it makes me wonder if i've been seeing thinks through hazy filters all of this time, i'm a little wiser today, a little less ignorant, a little more coherent, even if my hands are shaking and my eyesight is dotted and flickered with tiny sun spots, i see things for what they are today, maybe this will prove to be an altercation, maybe i'll remove myself from this, just drag myself away.

five days

here i go again, plunging fast, going with the wrong grain
get ready for another wave of deterioration

i can't even make this flow, inside my head, on paper, through keys.
everything that you coincide with is ruptured inside my brain.

Stella, Stellaha, oh Stella. Stella i love you, Stella i love you, Stella i love you

overread

ohhh today was a good one, i like these people
i like this place and the sounds and the state
my friends are in high demand, but still here, still mine
and there's never a moment of wasted time
never time to be had laying down
nothing goes to waste right now
trust has already been set to a test
and god it's at it's high, all time best
i could linger with you for endless evers
just empty packets and empty lighters
full, bursting, laughing heads and ears open
i really do love you, you make life magnificent!

eyes have barely two tracks and fingers are void from repetition
i so want to write something poetic, something explanatory
but all i can think of is



teach me some new words?

fucking postets

you were on my mind today, morbidity is a common factor for any endurance, the outright lack of you, too much, it's overbearing, and words mean less than nothing, they are shallow. nothing that i write will ever serve you well.
you will not burrow into light, only darkness, only bones, born dead, opening imaginary alternatives, imaginary memories, this is just a vicious joke, none of this will change a thing, how tragic to live on the edge of hope, only hopeless. reality is a cruel picture of fate withered and faded. i can't think of your face anymore, opening the wound is too hard.
i'm breathless, mind is numb. go back to sleep, i might see you once more when my mind is dead, when my eyes are dull.

keep healthy lungs

you shouldn’t be alone in there you could be above ground
all i want is to be the very best for you



don't you dare ever come back home
this isn't yours, you aren't welcome here anymore
can you even comprehend the damage you have caused
you have destroyed so much, killed so many
my hatred is limitless now, you deserve nothing from me
you no longer have a child, and you are not my family
you must hear the contempt in my tone, through my words
leave hope far behind, because there is nothing waiting for you upon your return

i want her, i only ever want her
you fucked it all up, and i won't forgive you anymore
you selfish, evil, deceitful, engorging, ignorant, lying, fucking prick
i wish it was you who was dead, and that she were here instead

it's so fast, too fast

i can't bear to give in to sleep
what a shame, this single bed
can't waste ourselves face down
i only want to keep time with you
beating heart, i can you hear inside
i still almost taste it, it taste's floral
i give up, my eyes are closed

'sometimes, i forget to remember you.'



still relevant. i'm so sorry

promise to keep your shirt on tonight

i'm going to miss this room
a homestead devoted to aging
i'll search for the buzzing of downstairs
and listen for the click of the radiator
i'm going to long for these walls
all covered in faces, doused in frantic colour
i'm especially going to miss that door
with it's pink dome and its bucket poured
so messy and cluttered, cheap and doctored

new home, new friends, new clothes, new plans, new job
new money, new music, new skills, new car, new orientation
new interest, new feeling, new ideas, new dreams, no dreams
i'm brand new

i will come back one day
and i hope you are still here
when i return
please don't be buried
please don't be burned

preparing to stutter

may i capture the buzzing within your head. hold your crumpled ideas with a determined hand and effortlessly straighten them out, let me smooth out the creases above your eyes, and mold your cheeks into a healthy smile, i don't want your mind to hurt.
you help my stomach do flips. lets start over.

i could sit in this spot all day and night
smoking and listening to florence
slightly shaded, but not too much
i don't want to talk or think here
just sit and be shallow, almost empty
my body's quite worn right now
but i'm still going to dance tonight
and i won't sleep again tonight
worn worn overly tired out and breaking
still, i'ma be alright, i always am
it's only minor chemicals in my system
and an irritating, overbearing chest infection

i'm feeling supersonic, give me gin and tonic, you could have it all, but how much do you want it

the morning ache is coming about
waiting in a smoke hazed fresh room
condemning the birds, running from light
there's nothing miserable about today
only one small hindrance, empty shell
i don't want closed eyes, it's only wasteful
i'm in a trance, no coherent words escape me
only muddled half rhymes and well planned allowances
see how tall these lines are thinning
not small and sharp, ran from the beginning
open empty, alcoves are plenty and growing
tiny ulcers form inside my neck
crawling on out, searching for light
open your mouth, swallow this might
wash it right down, and clutch it so tight
don't let it go, not now, not tonight
see where this heads, i bet it's alright

this is old, bitter that it still holds some value

again i'm sitting in the familiar spot
it's hard to deny i'm writing where i should not
it's harder to defy i'm thinking what i cannot
my home head is blank and dreary
my body defies logic, it's endlessly weary
the bright of the screen eludes most of what is behind
white colour drowns my sight and throws me blind
i need to escape the comfort of this cage
a nightmare of grey and white monotony
to look closely at the terrifying concept of age
dragged on and on in the same four borders
i couldn't want for less, and i will not be selfless
when my life is dragging, snails pace too quick
get off this bandwagon, hide, die or get sick
the tiredness is creeping, gaining momentum
i'm hoping it doesn't get too close
'cos these smokes have ruined my lungs
and god knows, i'm in no shape to run

good morning
good weather
good day ahead
good god

homestead

open envy, excitement and eclipse

how petty a person i am, shallow, self involved
i haven't had the time to think of you yet today

i miss you so much, it grinds inside my stomach
don't be stupid, how can you miss a stranger?
how could you be so selfish, leaving me here
you are cruel, you are unknown, you disappear
why won't you stay in my memory, you are only dark fear
i'm so sorry, i shouldn't speak, i should never move
just sit inside and dissolve inward, just like you
feed the earth, open my heart and fill it with fear
give birth to these flowers, i'll nourish them with tears
i'll water them every day i think of you
i can't begin to find any words that match this, myself
can't do any justice to the amount of pain present
why did she make me think of you again
you were gone, cast from my mind, it's been months
i cannot speak of you without feeling a choke
i can't bear you to fade anymore, you were never here
broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken

i will never know the right way to think of you
i'm fine with it okay, i'm so good at lying
it's been 11 years okay, i'm so good at lying
really, life is great okay, i'm so good at lying
i had even fooled myself, i'm so good at lying
you're already gone, i can't differentiate now
what is right? what is wrong?
this isn't real though is it, is it real
i'm not inside a box, not nailed shut
not searching for a hole that holds light
not burrowing for air or hyperventilating
not empty of substance, mind and memories

i've missed my cue now, really gone off track
all i really wanted to say was that i love you
and i miss you so much, everything black
stop fucking around now, just please come back?

too fuzzy fuzzy

frustrating? welcome home

please stop it, rocking me sideways
you're making me seasick

the girl:

ecstatically happy, and utterly destroyed
0.08 of a second, all in the name of procrastination

how have the barriers inside my mind stretched into physical manifestations
they are etched in front of me, dodging my moves each time i change course

if god is here, he's slapping me in the face even as i type, 'stay away!' he says

ignorance =

i'm all a little too content right now
it's bizzare, unnerving in fact
i'm sure there are consequences in store
but i don't care, i'm content right now

karma, please don't mess with me
not right now

it's kind of building up, a little too much to bear
in hindsight i am far too young, i can't be cornered
inner sickness has acquired these physical attributes

can't sleep, don't eat, sick sick sick, can't sleep, cough, roll,
no, punch, cry, shake ache ache ache, wake up, dazed, pale,
i can't really say i enjoy this pain, it's misery

you

coward

words fail me tonight
i think they escaped
fell through my pores
and evaporated upward
i am far too tired

oh edie, you are a dream ♥

cont.

i can't stop questioning this
but, my heart is much lighter now
my stomach no longer harbours moths
so i'll fall on feathers and simply let time pass
enjoying your company, letting you laugh
weak, praying time doesn't escape me too fast

oh dear
oh dear
oh dear
oh dear
oh dear
oh dear
oh dear
oh dear
oh dear
oh dear
oh dear
oh dear
oh dear
oh dear
oh dear
please sleep.

oh this is sweet, i just wonder what it means

iamnotarobot

okay i'll melt and trickle under the earth
i'm done, but i can't stop, there is no way out
i'm stuck now, i thought this was going to be incredible
well, i was wrong
this means nothing, not a thing
just burn me

yes, alright, i like you

today has been totally energizing
the sun brings my character into full whack
i feel like i can conquer the day and night
speak up, don't whisper

you should have never said a word.

PHEW!

i feel better.

i am tired, sleep eludes me with these tricky maneuvers
so now i can't interpret anything without this weary judgment
i can't read those words and decipher any truth or meaning
you really do confuse me, what a strange and wonderful enigma
at least i am writing again, even if all i can do is write, type
scrawled across my windows and in the cracks underneath my door
etched inside my aching mind, and flickering around damp eyes
optimism overrides the overwhelming doubt, am i wrong?
don't play silly fearful games, i've grown too tall for those
just leap: you might learn to fly.

swolengland

I would so like to forget every single buzzing thought, each responsibility that i have, to brush off chores and real life like speckles of dried paint on a vinyl sheet, to simply write and write, for no reason other than it appeases me, for nobodies eyes but my own, irrelevant and withdrawn from scrutiny. You asked me to do this, so let me do it, for it is starting to look like a chore, the glimmer has somehow faded from the horizon. Lower your arm, i'm still young right?
Just let me breathe.

ditto.
but it doesn't even look like a word
not inspected from this angle

this is most definitely paradise

cncr:

well this is different...
i can actually feel myself failing
i can pinpoint which organs are flagging
my, the burning in my stomach is unsettling
the pins wedged between these ears are unflattering

'how much for a brand new body, sir?
the latest model, new? improved?'
...
'is it shock proof, waterproof, bulletproof?'
'only waterproof' he says, head tilted
what was i expecting?
trade it in, she says all too hastily
take this broken, crumbling frame
'you want it recycled?' he says, eye slanted
don't bother, scrap it: she says, glistening all over
'it's useless'

Because the tide is high
And it's rising still
And I don't wanna see it at my windowsill

you might not know

i'll stay barefoot with the grass until the temperature drops
whilst these delicate smoke trains flutter past
with this song playing again, it won't grow old
it still paints your features like a polaroid
flashing in intervals between my sun stained eyelids

it only ever seems to magnify, the unquestionable idea
that i'd be content with nothing more than your company
encouraging quiet laughter and a wholesome smile
elated only to know that you are still happy in my company
a cold heart will burst, the warmth makes mine swell
and in this moment, when it's not buy, buy, sell
i think i would, i'd give it all up without a second thought
there's no question, i would, i could not contain myself
i'd leave it all behind, and drive away with you tonight
until the sun is etched inside a liars night sky

my heart never behaved this way before

kcilc

i want to turn my brain off:flick switch

you are undeniably and unequivocally unambiguous
hiding under a thin sheet of nonchalance
proving that the underbelly of a scene so rigorous
is simply, nothing more than a barrier, it's bollocks
it's unmistakable now, irrefutable infact;
you are trapped, under the influence

c'mon, see straight through these pretenses
cold, cool, collected, sober
i am colliding, inward
i wish i were sharp, transparent like a pane of crystal
maybe, you could look straight into itself and find truth
but you have her, you have your mirror
reflecting yourself outward, over
as she is shown wholly inwards, with pure nonoccurence
is there no disguise, no pretenses now
this facade is unraveling and i'm blurring
i'm so very incoxificated
so very quixotic and faceded
meanings created and recreated
disguised and unveiled daily, hourly.

just leave, please leave me be, but don't.
god, how i wish

♥
this very secret
that you're trying to conceal
is the very same one
you're dying to reveal
go tell her how you feel

let her in on your secret heart

yeeesssssssssssss.

idle lines

i do not welcome sleep any more
the thought of it is daunting
how i wish i could stay conscious
and only listen to sweet music
simply, endlessly, just drift into the oncoming day
into the next spray of sunlight, discarding the night
my frivolity is sequentially disappearing
falling away from a previous body, a former self
what a wasteful way to spend our youth
crumpled face down, drenched in shadows
plagued by impossible, incomprehensible dreamless nights

who made you?

you are such a state
such a fucking mess
it was a problem, it was
but all of the sympathy faded
now people, they just laugh
and turn their heads

go wash your face
close your legs
close your eyes, drown out the noise
put down the tube
and get that shit out of your nose
sit down, sit still
and begin to shut your mouth

cig;

i know i'm a little white girl, i don't care
i fucking love 2Pac



and Ke$ha.

I wish he was my wife

good god

It is you're, not your.
There are no excuses anymore.
You have spell check!!!

Ridiculous:

my favourite word

i have no recollection of this:

our hearts are heavy and light
spilling with sorrow and joy and pain
you hold up your head with such might
as your neck crumbles under a mightier strain
salty wet has stained your chin
and your face is frozen from windy lashings
where in this world are you to begin
when there is nothing before you, simply nothing
your story makes me weary and silent
and your eyes just linger on the shadows
forcing my head down, dragging my shoulders
your salty wet flows over my cheekbones
drips into nothing, touching nothing

i can't bear to watch you, falter and fall
it stings my heart to see you crawl
i can't reach my hand to your weary limbs
can't pull you up, or drag you in
i am so very tired from your desperation
it erodes away, straight through my elation

no comprehension of what rings through your ears
i couldn't think of it, i wouldn't think
such cruelty you have acquired throughout these years
it pushed you up towards and over the brink
i cannot look towards you now
can't see what disappeared
can't remember your icy warmth
i can't taste your salty tears
i can't sit before you and stare
can't look into glazed over eyes
i can't look for what isn't there
i can't love something that dies.

shy away

look, see this magnified sadness, reaching from your gut
like talons clawing it's way out, but at once
it's tugging you inward, i can see it
get out, get out of your head now
i am clairvoyant now, i see where you're headed
it's petrifying me, i'm not sure i can help anymore
you're all covered in black and smothered with make up
so i can barely see your face

i was pacing so carefully
not to get too close
oh, don't be ashamed
of bumpy skin and uneven craters
you weren't made this way
you're deviating, you're becoming man made
you walk robotic and talk melancholic
and you scare me each time we fix a gaze
i see so much of myself in you
so much misery and fear
please stop talking for once and just hear me
get out, get out of your head now

i shouldn't etch these words
so self indulgent, replacing i, with you
they will do nothing for you
you will never discover this pitiful 'ode to'
and if by a faded chance you do
you will have no idea, not a single clue
that this whole verse, i took the time, and wrote it for you

yesterday

i lied to my driving instructor.

don't be a prisoner of your own mortality
do whatever the fuck you feel like doing
fuck, laugh, smoke, swallow, wake up then die