terrified

i had it all thought out; what i was going to write
the end of tonight, edging into morning
i've had my phone on vibrate for 3 weeks now
i can't bear the sound of incoming message
what i want to write with all honesty is that i hate
i want to convey a message filled with contempt
just want to convey something to annihilate
but i can't, it's painful, only a dull ache
touching most of every corner that i digress
i guess you can say i'm just a mess
til now a whole new lower level of mess
i have to slow, to stop this soon
whilst i've still got strength left to put myself together
and pull the pieces of my head back in good order
they're scattered everywhere, dotted sporadic
this is it, this has to stop, i have to stop
i'm ever so slowly killing myself