even if you fade back and fall deep into memory
know this, you'll never be forgotten, not readily, not easily
even if it's aching pain and I'm ambushed, choking
even if it's pushed so far down and kept in shadows
you'll always be the first, you'll always be the best
you'll always be the one who saved me from myself
you'll always be the one who kept me from harm
you'll always be the one who kept my feet placed firm
the one who kept me holding on, holding strong for you
so no matter what happens, no matter who else adheres
I always loved you first, it'll always be you who stole me

You're exactly where you were always supposed to be
I know you're a good man, and I know you mean well
and I don't hate you as much today, Im in a good place see
but you're just this faceless voice, confined to a cell
you're not my dad anymore, you're not my family
It's not easy, this isn't coming so steadily for me
but I think I've stretched as far as I can without breaking
so it's time to let me go, I need to be rid of you completely
and don't be weak, and don't be cruel, just try to understand
you're no good for me, you're a cancer, you're destructive
and I'm holding on to too much right now
I won't let you touch something this good
you can't stand taller than me pa, if you lack a spine
and it's cruel I know, but you've been dead to me for such a long time
so stop condemning me to stretch empty words with a ghost
and let me keep this love in tact, let me keep what's mine
just fade away into dim memory, don't fight this reality
'cos when mothers breath faltered and fell weak
you killed the space I reserved for you inside of me

One of those days. Today I simply can't get out of bed, I can't stretch a smile, it's weak and falters, and you're dancing in circles again, around, inside my head. I want every single crevice of you, every trembling chest, every minuscule flickered look, every short breath, and I want to keep them safe, to hold them still in a cave of palms with fingers locked tight, so the light can't get in, nothing else can get in.

i heard, he said it perfectly
so why water it down
it serves nothing to be diluted
it shows you nothing if it's polluted
so i'll just use his words
i won't dance around it aimlessly
see, they shape around you flawlessly

i am so in love with you.

K, here's your ride, get your petals out and lay them in the aisle
Pretend you are God, and grow and that it's your own day to wed
We have found your man, he is drinking up
He's all American, and he'll drive
He has volunteered with grace to end your life

We'll tidy up, it's sad to hold, but leave your shell to us
You explode, you firefly, you tiny boat with oars, feather oars
The world tilts back and pours and pours
And so, you satellite, you tidal wave, you're a big surprise
And I have one more night to be your mother

Her signal was interrupted
My baby's frequency not strong enough
Her head in my hands and smiling
K, we will miss you but in time you'll get set up and we will write
Hey, you beauty supreme, yeah you were right about me
But can I get myself out from underneath
This guilt that will crush me
In the choir, I saw our sad Messiah
He was bored and tired of my laments
He said, "I died for you one time, but never again"

Well I love you so much, but do me a favor baby and don't reply
Cause I can dish it out, but I can't take it
Well I love you so much, but do me a favor baby and don't reply
Cause I can dish it out, but I can't take it

I'll never have to buy adjacent plots of earth
We'll never have to rot together underneath dirt
I'll never have to lose my baby in the crowd
I should be laughing right now.

i'm fine, i'll keep saying that i'm fine
but it's a lie, it's all sedated, it's all lies
you know i can't keep it all held up inside
i'm ecstatic, i'm elated, i'm so fucking high
and it's all fractured, captured by you
see, you broke me, opened me sideways
and i'm spilling out, so you're filling me in
i don't know how this is piercing me, but it is
i don't know how you're piercing me, but you are
i can't explain this to you, i've tried, i'll still try
though it always comes about without, it's always runs dry
it's without all these thoughts that drown me, they suffocate me
this is it, it's you, you're everything, you're light.
and i'm still blind, but i'm feeling you out
and i'll fill you in, if you just give me some time

rapidly becoming a little less scared
a little less terrified, a little less guarded
i'm still unsure, still considering, still ordered
but it's falling so fast, so quickly unraveling
with every conscious moment i'm traveling back
to that tender place when it's only me and you
when you fit into the jagged part of me that is empty
the unkept part, deep, that is hidden and lonely
still, i don't know how to think of it in any logical way
i only know one critical thing, i only want you
all the time, every shared moment, every day
and i don't ever want that aching again, i never want you to be away
i just want you to come back, and i want you to stay
distance will soon be dissipated, so don't you cry again
and believe me when i say, that when it's my choice
i'll always choose you, i'll never leave this bed empty again

i can't do this, can't think of anything
just empty, this hurts too much. i feel sick



please come back

seagulls

it's too quiet tonight, so i'm restless
always moving, i'm anything but listless
you're everywhere, you're all over
curled inside my sheets, backlit in my mirror
you're inside these songs, it's feels as though
each word was written for me and you
this one particularly, and it frightens me
but breathing steady, here is the only place i want to be
with you, tightly coiled, where the moon has stolen light
so i'll play it for you, when the time is right
and then you'll understand what i'm trying to say
when i'm barely awake, at the end of every day