I need to leave 

I can’t marry this place

I won’t bury the past 

I just need a change of scenery 

I'm finally leaving

Full Lungs Bursting

I wrote and rewrote the last prose 8 times
lingered and dithered over the last 3 lines
I'm out, running dry on anger now
just solemnly owed, not quite devout
there's only one way to tame a naughty child
through mild mannered will and acceptance
reluctance to raise a hand is suggested
trust nothing told, tried or tested
it was you who said it, not me
but I'm too exhausted to fight
you're just stubborn and I'm bored now
eager to shed you, I'm finally beginning to forget you
like I've said a dozen times, it wasn't you it couldn't have been
it only was, it must have been, the situation in which I was encased in
because there's really not that much to you. Pretty boring, not quite pretty
ill mannered and self repressed, all to eager to get undressed
though I  don't know why you would, I'm ever so sorry sweetheart
but you're really not so good.

2010

Now I'm stretching out to grab the future
the sutures have fallen out and healed
I've peeled away a whole layer of skin
I let you in and you stopped the blood clot
you stopped me dead in my tracks
you stacked my hopes higher than before
you swore yourself to me, you swore that I am yours
you've promised me everything and more

I still yearn to see the world again through childlike eyes, to know everything but still wonder, to regard everything with such surprise

The comedown isn't so bad this time, you're curled in my arms our bodies woven round. It's true it's creeping, it was edging further and further up my chest, into and over my shoulders, but I'm holding it firm, you're keeping it at bay. My body is unwavering my jaw is fighting the sway. Feet, they're constantly twitching, my face aches and my eyes are fuzzy, my head is buzzing, my eyelids still fluttering violently. But your'e keeping my heartbeat slow, helping a steady rhythm, to calm me to a standstill, to keep me on the side of light, you're keeping my hands busy, you're keeping my lips distracted.

those crevices are so terribly inviting
so very terrifyingly exciting
it's as if someone had sketched them 
right after they dreamt them up
they are real, I think they are real

I have to jump on these chances
these days they're few and far between
they're still incoherent, not quite balanced
but they flow so easily
they come so naturally
not so drunk, not so sober
blurry eyed, eyes still not quite fluttered
not yet stuttering through words
I'm just at ease, not yet ill mannered


it's easier not to think.

I guess structure has kind of unnerved me
and I suppose I'm feeling a little nostalgic lately
reasonable and responsible by anyone's standards
I'm ever so polite, ever so grounded, so settled
don't get me wrong, I wouldn't give you up for anything
we've got this all planned out, and I know we'll be alright
You're everything I wan't in the light of day, but tonight
I'm just wanting for something that's been and gone
for a time when I couldn't count my worries 
not on all my fingers and all my toes, on a full head of hair
I'm wanting for broken thoughts and a fuzzy brain
for futile tears, restless sleep plagued with nightmares
to feel the full weight, to struggle with the strain
I just want to be sixteen again
I just want to be sixteen again

I wouldn't be surprised if this is brief

I'm tired and edging further into my sheets

but I've got you on my mind and today I can't help but think

that I couldn't tire of you, I wouldn't think you're a bore

I can't fathom a time when I'd enlist you as a chore

it's almost as if every time I see you, I love you more

surely this should be kept within a flaccid bind

It's incredulous to me, I'd never known I was capable

and this isn't poetic, it barely rhymes, it doesn't keep time

but it's justified

It's almost as though I can't write with a patched mind

anything sweet comes only in bitter lines

If that's the case, I don't want it, I don't want to write

I don't need it anymore.