those crevices are so terribly inviting
so very terrifyingly exciting
it's as if someone had sketched them 
right after they dreamt them up
they are real, I think they are real

I have to jump on these chances
these days they're few and far between
they're still incoherent, not quite balanced
but they flow so easily
they come so naturally
not so drunk, not so sober
blurry eyed, eyes still not quite fluttered
not yet stuttering through words
I'm just at ease, not yet ill mannered


it's easier not to think.

I guess structure has kind of unnerved me
and I suppose I'm feeling a little nostalgic lately
reasonable and responsible by anyone's standards
I'm ever so polite, ever so grounded, so settled
don't get me wrong, I wouldn't give you up for anything
we've got this all planned out, and I know we'll be alright
You're everything I wan't in the light of day, but tonight
I'm just wanting for something that's been and gone
for a time when I couldn't count my worries 
not on all my fingers and all my toes, on a full head of hair
I'm wanting for broken thoughts and a fuzzy brain
for futile tears, restless sleep plagued with nightmares
to feel the full weight, to struggle with the strain
I just want to be sixteen again
I just want to be sixteen again

I wouldn't be surprised if this is brief

I'm tired and edging further into my sheets

but I've got you on my mind and today I can't help but think

that I couldn't tire of you, I wouldn't think you're a bore

I can't fathom a time when I'd enlist you as a chore

it's almost as if every time I see you, I love you more

surely this should be kept within a flaccid bind

It's incredulous to me, I'd never known I was capable

and this isn't poetic, it barely rhymes, it doesn't keep time

but it's justified

It's almost as though I can't write with a patched mind

anything sweet comes only in bitter lines

If that's the case, I don't want it, I don't want to write

I don't need it anymore.

Sometimes I want to live inside these lines

Because only in here are you alright

Somehow in these words I can evade time

In here I’m still yours and you're still mine

You’re still 32, you’re still bright eyed

You still have a voice, you still laugh and you smile

You still have a meaning, you’re not just deadweight

You never left, you’re still alive, you won’t die

You’ll stay trapped inside these lines, I won’t, I can’t let you escape. Not again, not this time.

It's almost as though you opened me up a little more time, with each break of the pump inside my chest I worried a little less, my creases were smoothed out, I was ever so gently unfolded. So I was ready when she came, I was open when she arrives, I spoke when she was here, I couldn't take her for granted, I couldn't if I tried. And I couldn't be angry about before, not now, not anymore.

It's all I can do not to think that I'll follow

but if you go, I go, see

I'll be empty, I'll be hollow

I won't know how to let you go

I've started to write again

You fill me with things that aren't sediment

they aren't doused in shadow, they are wonderful

and I'm easing them on to paper, still etched fine

they come out in short bursts, scrawled into messy lines

and they are scribbled blind, but they are all about you

I recalled the note just four hours too late
the note that I had written to hide in your pocket
found scrunched and snow weathered in mine
three hours after I put you on that train
three hours befiore I dreamt you were here again

my pillow smells like you and it puts holes in my gut
my mouth still tastes of you and it keeps tired eyes shut
I'll make a cocoon for the rest of the week, and the whole of next
I'll hibernate until you come back, cut me out and put breath into me