i'm in love

the fear sets in, of knowing how short our time is
the shortness of a stride
not a single excuse to prove that we were meant for this

everything starts to spin all at once

and if you hear something strange in my voice
oh its conviction, detest my words
they have no well meaning

run your fingers back and forth over this sheet of paper
run your fingers back and forth over this

so where's the heart?
its not coming through
who is this for?
so where's the heart?

and if you hear something strange in my voice, oh its conviction
detest my words, they have no well meaning
were caught between the storms that never mattered

oh dear puppet wake up and cut the strings before the last show
i believe that this is in your blood, by all means
take your place, take your place
put yourself into this letter
we've all had it alright
we dropped the ball.

maman est morte, ou peut-être hier, je ne sais pas.

You know that feeling, when you're up high looking across somewhere vast, and you say to yourself, 'I want to be out there, out at the farthest point' it's like a longing for something more magnificent. but it's not just that you want to be somewhere else, and not even only in one part of the picture, you want to be in all of it, you want to wrap yourself around it, because lets face it if you were placed across the view you'd simply turn around and say 'well now I just want to be over there'. I guess I'm waiting for the day when I can stand on top of a hill with a myriad of sights stretched out in front, and think to myself, I couldn't care less about longing, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here. that'd be dead nice.

i can't wait to be able to write something nice again, something pleasant to read.

i don't even

it seems like all i ever do is silently miss you. there really is nothing that can be said to dampen this, nothing could ever do you justice. i wish there were a way to think of you without that empty sinking feeling, i love to hear things about you, about when you were young and to hear how much i remind people of you, but anything heard or thought about is endlessly coupled with this prominent gut ache, it's all bitter sweet. i really wish you were here tonight, it's only recently hit me, but i don't really know what to do without you, everything is a little more pointless, all shaded slightly pastel, it's dull. i wonder what you would say if you could speak, it really would be nice to know what your voice sounds like. God I miss you.

why were you so scared?

my eyes are stinging, they don't focus
and everything in front is covered in film
it's all shrouded by clouds but i still see it
there are two moons out tonight
one half one full, so covered, so barely lit

it's nice to meet you

i don't hate you anymore, and i'll tell everyone
i can't hate you anymore, hate is far too strong a word
and i promise i'll begin to let you back in
i'll talk to you now, you can get to know me again
i know you cant read this, it's okay it's here for me


and to you. yes you. just go away.
at least try your hand at subtlety.
if you don't like it, stop reading it. you prick.

for once

won't you, won't you fill me up with it
why don't you fill me up with it, won't you fill me
won't you, won't you fill me up with it
why don't you fill me up with it
why don't you fill me, won't you
won't you fill me up with it, why don't you fill me up with it
why don't you fill me up

the air tastes so much sweeter today
i'm real content

i can't listen to them anymore.
i hate that, they were fast becoming one of my favourites.
nevermind.

everything is falling into place
i have such a good feeling about this

oh man

This is not healthy.

creptin

i don't even read it anymore
i just look outside the words
focus on the spaces, no rhythm heard
and it's not even listening anymore
not even half of what i breathed before
and yeah okay, i miss it
and i keep getting little snippets
flashing, dashing under closed eyelids
breathing steady, beneath sheets tightly hid
still, it is what it is, and what it is, is shit

it's been five years and some change
and this world is getting so strange
but this house smells just the same
but my mom, my sweet mom
she don't remember my name

i sit on her bed and kiss right behind the ear
she calls out for a dog that's been dead for a year
i say how is it going just like i didn't know
i hold on to both of her hands too afraid to let go
and five times exactly no more or no less
she says how you been eating boy
and i say, okay i guess
in this room where she made me each day she grows weak
she flips on the golden girls and the first tear hits my cheek

it's been five years

these boys keep my feet glued down
i can't begin to explain how much

taste

this is exactly how i feel right now, lovely

not even slightly

i can't get over how quick, just how fast

there's just something pure unyielding unscathed
she has once again repeated the night, not wasted time
not wasted breath, no silence shed, no words left kept
so open, so vivid, alive bursting through my sheets
so try as i might i can't hate you anymore
this one is something else
there is nowhere in dreams that i'd rather be
all those salted ashes have fluttered away
and there is nothing but this surrounding me

check in

reiteration is the utmost objection to veer from
it's dozens of times now i've said it's enough
more time than limbs i've halfheartedly made the decision
to stop this fizzling in my cranium
it's gnawing at my thought patterns
screen is buzzing profusely it doesn't falter
today was the last time, this is done i promise
i'm one short stumble away from engulfing
all and everything they have worked so hard to steer me from
i don't want to do this anymore, don't want to be fuzzy and disorganised
but it's okay, i've done it before
it's begun to chip away my exterior
it's enough, i'm so tired of this maneuver
i'm out, i'm done


you have no idea, not anymore, nothing of me
i'm trying to walk in a straight line, just trying to keep my eyes open