cringe

i can't stand you

your blog looks so lonely
oh dear, oh dear

i reserve my capital letters and correct punctuation for tumblr

'Black
Then…
Eternal darkness
Then…
Black, empty consciousness
Then…
Warmth?
Then…
Recognition of self.
Then…
A presence
Behind me
Then…
Development of sense of self
Then…
Red, red, red, RED, RED, RED, RED!!!!'

i walked to fast, sped up, now i'm just running, fucking sprinting to the line, my legs don't ache yet, i don't need to inhale yet, only run away; then collapse ready for 3 days of onslaught, 4 days of fatigue, a week of regret, months of denial, years of dependence > 3 hours of ecstasy.
i can't do this anymore.

terrified

i had it all thought out; what i was going to write
the end of tonight, edging into morning
i've had my phone on vibrate for 3 weeks now
i can't bear the sound of incoming message
what i want to write with all honesty is that i hate
i want to convey a message filled with contempt
just want to convey something to annihilate
but i can't, it's painful, only a dull ache
touching most of every corner that i digress
i guess you can say i'm just a mess
til now a whole new lower level of mess
i have to slow, to stop this soon
whilst i've still got strength left to put myself together
and pull the pieces of my head back in good order
they're scattered everywhere, dotted sporadic
this is it, this has to stop, i have to stop
i'm ever so slowly killing myself

so easy

surely i shouldn't be allowed to have this many fucking brilliant people surrounding me. i would do anything for you two. it's so effortless.

people in glass houses

quote or unquoted. pathetic. undeserving. reserved uneducated.
eyes ears nose and mouth mouth mouth mouth mouth, dance, deep breaths.

£148 BABY! tonight has been oh so superior!

explanations & expectations

don't think

there's something headed in your direction and it's not pretty
you don't get to dish out copious amounts of shit without defiance, explanation or consequences
you should have considered the subject before the deed

Pretend.Relive.Regret

i can't get enough

what a peculiar night

i didn't think it could get any better
good GOD i was wrong
i've been here before
i've seen it
larger than life, right good

talking talk talky talk

You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
You may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
You may ask yourself, "Well, how did I get here?"

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again, after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground

And you may ask yourself, "How do I work this?"
And you may ask yourself, "Where is that large automobile?"
And you may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful house"
And you may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful wife"

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again, after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was

Water dissolving and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Under the water, carry the water
Remove the water from the bottom of the ocean
Water dissolving and water removing

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again, into the silent water
Under the rocks and stones, there is water underground

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Leting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again, after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground

You may ask yourself, "What is that beautiful house?"
You may ask yourself, "Where does that highway go to?"
You may ask yourself, "Am I right, am I wrong?"
You may say to yourself, "My God! What have I done?"

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again, into the silent water
Under the rocks and stones, there is water underground

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again, after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was
Same as it ever was, look where my hand was

Time isn't holding up, time isn't after us
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was
Same as it ever was, hey let's all twist our thumbs
Here comes the twister

Letting the days go by
Letting the days go by
Once in a lifetime
Let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by

vibrating at a low frequency again
let's get back to nothing but frivolity
i'll welcome home my whole family
and reintroduce levity to the city
because right now it's lacking

HAVE

GOT

TO

GET

OUT

deep breaths

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.
.
.
.
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i am so ready to leave this place for good