Ridiculous:

my favourite word

i have no recollection of this:

our hearts are heavy and light
spilling with sorrow and joy and pain
you hold up your head with such might
as your neck crumbles under a mightier strain
salty wet has stained your chin
and your face is frozen from windy lashings
where in this world are you to begin
when there is nothing before you, simply nothing
your story makes me weary and silent
and your eyes just linger on the shadows
forcing my head down, dragging my shoulders
your salty wet flows over my cheekbones
drips into nothing, touching nothing

i can't bear to watch you, falter and fall
it stings my heart to see you crawl
i can't reach my hand to your weary limbs
can't pull you up, or drag you in
i am so very tired from your desperation
it erodes away, straight through my elation

no comprehension of what rings through your ears
i couldn't think of it, i wouldn't think
such cruelty you have acquired throughout these years
it pushed you up towards and over the brink
i cannot look towards you now
can't see what disappeared
can't remember your icy warmth
i can't taste your salty tears
i can't sit before you and stare
can't look into glazed over eyes
i can't look for what isn't there
i can't love something that dies.

shy away

look, see this magnified sadness, reaching from your gut
like talons clawing it's way out, but at once
it's tugging you inward, i can see it
get out, get out of your head now
i am clairvoyant now, i see where you're headed
it's petrifying me, i'm not sure i can help anymore
you're all covered in black and smothered with make up
so i can barely see your face

i was pacing so carefully
not to get too close
oh, don't be ashamed
of bumpy skin and uneven craters
you weren't made this way
you're deviating, you're becoming man made
you walk robotic and talk melancholic
and you scare me each time we fix a gaze
i see so much of myself in you
so much misery and fear
please stop talking for once and just hear me
get out, get out of your head now

i shouldn't etch these words
so self indulgent, replacing i, with you
they will do nothing for you
you will never discover this pitiful 'ode to'
and if by a faded chance you do
you will have no idea, not a single clue
that this whole verse, i took the time, and wrote it for you

yesterday

i lied to my driving instructor.

don't be a prisoner of your own mortality
do whatever the fuck you feel like doing
fuck, laugh, smoke, swallow, wake up then die

only the third time

what i would sacrifice to be like you
to glide effortlessly
i grate and grind underneath
you know nothing of selflessness
you know nothing at all
you couldn't place words to this envy
to this longing, i could not want for more

i hate to be this

it hurts to be this
maybe i could be like them
ignorant and self gratifying
maybe if i stopped giving
stopped thinking and refused to see
but you know that won't ever be
so i'll hate and hurt in these illuminated corners
and grate and grind until my feet are merely dust

fade then disappear

you tossed me into a year long dusk,
filled with drugs, deceit and dreamed up sex.
evaporated sweat glistening from the walls surrounding
a misguided, misunderstood class of miserable miscreants.

delineate my life with three words:i loved her

i'm not going to remember you again today.
i'm sorry, you aren't here.