my mind is brimming with things I can never not keep
like how your face smooths when you're barely asleep
or how your voice changes ever so slightly at the edges
when you're losing patience with me
and there are things that I'm trying to forget
but I know they'll never really go away
it's impossible and it's unnerving holding the world at bay
being days away, in something untouched, something unchanged
when every day is different, but the night is always the same
when I can't get to sleep, I go to my safety place
it's dark and it's quiet, it's you and it's me
and every night that's how I drift off to sleep
with an image of your face clinging to my conscious
every day I wake with you sitting heavy on my conscience

today is nestled deep into the clutches of autumn
but it feels like the first of spring
my smile is unwavering, it's stretching
I've reached past land, across the seas
I am at home, under the steady mass of trees
in the comfort of fresh cold and still winds
clutching a pile of fresh new yellow daffodils
floating absent minded, walking alone
eyes up, facing the sky, dreaming of home.

I remember that it hurt,
looking at her hurt.

i hate everyone
in one way or another
i hate them all
they're all the same
shifting their funds
shifting the blame
thin, fat, short, tall
i hate them all
i fucking hate them all
but not you
i've never hated you

i'd lay down to rest in the crook of your arm
feel your body fight the urge to nervously shift
i'd feel you try to keep steady, to keep calm
and let the thrum of your heart drown out the world
i'd hold your fingers so tight and let your skin burn through mine
i'd speed up as you slow down until our breath ringed in time
i wouldn't want to go, but if i lost the fight
i couldn't think of a better place to be
when my world went black and my eyes closed soft
than with you, with your body locked around me
holding me so usual, as if i'm just drifting off to sleep

fuck you in your little green tower
surrounded by these cretins
basking in your petty power
twenty five years you've spent in this place
twenty five years you've lived at this pace
ever so fast and ever so slow
it's all you ever had, all you've ever known
you'll probably die here, still taking orders
still smiling fake and laughing empty
how many nights have you spent here
how much time have you wasted
by how many people are you hated
fuck you and the hours that you rob
there is more to life than your miserable fucking job

do something now.

my head is an empty sore
and i'm always alone
everything is a fucking chore
i miss my home
i just want to come home

sleep is cruel and sleep is deceitful

it's so full of empty promises

of tomorrows that are better than yesterday

of a fresh breath brought by a new day

sleep traps moments, distorts reality

replacing it with carefully distorted memories

my eyes are dried out

i can't bear to sleep

the window's been open all night

i'm still pushing it

endless cascades of rain cool the air

and all i can think is, how can it be fair

that in a life already too fleeting

we're condemned to spend half of it sleeping