I've started to write again

You fill me with things that aren't sediment

they aren't doused in shadow, they are wonderful

and I'm easing them on to paper, still etched fine

they come out in short bursts, scrawled into messy lines

and they are scribbled blind, but they are all about you

I recalled the note just four hours too late
the note that I had written to hide in your pocket
found scrunched and snow weathered in mine
three hours after I put you on that train
three hours befiore I dreamt you were here again

my pillow smells like you and it puts holes in my gut
my mouth still tastes of you and it keeps tired eyes shut
I'll make a cocoon for the rest of the week, and the whole of next
I'll hibernate until you come back, cut me out and put breath into me

It's so easy, everything comes so naturally, you and me, we just fit. I don't have this hole in my stomach anymore, not when I think of you, I'm entirely plugged up, I'm so flawlessly content. I think this is exactly where I'm meant to be. I wish I could blot out the before, I wish I wasn't tainted for you. I'm going to try ever so hard not to fuck this up.

However this opens and folds and fits into place, it's fine by me, so long as I get to keep you. I am going to keep you.
This is exactly where I want to be.

Your heart it makes the most beautiful sound, when I'm lying so close to you, our fingers woven round, it hums a rhythm, I can hear it through my skin. I don't want to lose that, I don't want to miss your heartbeat again.

And I think the spaces inside my fingertips are reserved for you, so slip your fingers through and through and watch how perfectly they fit, see how flawlessly we fit. See in those moments we are perfect, and I can't even fathom how much I love you.

I cant remember the last time I felt this helpless
and I'm trying so hard to find a way out of this
I thought about it today, stood high rise on the carpark
staring over, into the floor laid jagged down below
I can't imagine an ending without you, and you have to know
I want you so much, I want this so much, I can think of nothing else
I want you to tell me we'll work it out, and I want you to mean it
I want you to tell me there's nobody else, and I need you to believe it
I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm doing it without a stomach
without a heart and without a brain, see I left my heart back on that train
I'll pick it back up when I see you again. I really hope it's not too late
I promise I'll wait, I can wait if you can wait

I never thought this song would sound so significant
that it would be so delicately intertwined
it was just melodic mess, just simply nice
it was never meant to burrow inward and hide
it's not relevant, not stated, just saturated plain
and now it's here, throwing riddels around my brain
and it sounds so real, it's so right, though it was written for us
and it's terrifying, I need to drag myself out of this mess
before I make something out of nothing and ruin this

I wanted to write something for you
'cause you're struggling with absence, I know
and though you don't see it, I'm struggling too
dreading each day a little more until you go
until you leave and I'm left swallowed
I'm always thinking of you, always waititng for you
always planning the smallest parts of tomorrow
and every part of tomorrow revolves around you
I'm not going anywhere, and you're staying with me
There's nowhere on earth that I would rather be