i can't dismiss the beauty in anything
the beauty of my inability to speak
my inconsistency with words
the inability to spell and pronounce
is nothing of which i intended
and less of which you will understand
the still frame sat before me is vast
but doused in smoke and mist
clouded by hazy eyes
and wet by milky teeth
i smell your burning as you rest inside my throat
and linger on the surface of my tongue
to the one who cannot lift her hand for seconds to pass
to the one clouded by a dozen smokey thoughts
you are incoherent and you are destructible
you cannot feel my fingertips anymore
and your imagination has faded
you speak to me as if i am not within
you speak to me with a silent buzzing
you won't stop
you speak to me for days on end

just saw it again, and
it's not that i miss it, i don't miss it.

it is really strange, being blindsided by these little flickers of the way it used to feel the last time i listened to this, i'm suddenly right back into it and i'm breathless. i suppose it bares a similar ethos to facing a fear. to maybe holding a spider, or jumping out of a plane, but where adrenaline consumes, lethargy replaces, and i don't like it.

i really fucking miss you
it's not like i can voice this adequately
or speak in tongues, poised, paused sporadically
all i can do in present state of mind
is recite normality, no riddles, no simile
it's so very obvious, born from the same kind
but now you're absent and i'm left
and like i said previously, aimlessly, innocently:
i really fucking miss you.

i've been silently waiting for this time to waver
although i'd never tell, i am fickle
time passed through, i only want to savour this
i can yield my guard, all pretenses are thrown, discarded
and i can taste it rich, the flavour is stronger than i
though i can still envision myself entombed in this room
teleporting endless from the aching comfort of my bed
you're always curled around me, inside

this is a bit of alright

i am safe without it i am safe without it
but i feel all this way leaning on this way
i steal, i heal i'll do it again
over and over and over and over

i can see the whole sky's stretch now
and on a different note, my dreams are full again

each time like this with you is like the first time
just like we're sixteen again and we are so happy

i just read something unsettling, and i didn't flinch once, i can't even recall blinking

beauty's in the eye of the beholder
i was lucky enough to be near her so i told her
funnily enough i missed the freckles on her shoulder
and that even on the hottest of nights her skin was colder

i'm okay with this.

i am ever so light now
all seems alright now
i have no urges to fight
or to frighten anyone now
i can feel myself gravitating
not climbing anymore, just floating up with ease
this smile isn't premeditated
i can't eagerly hate anymore
and i know you don't care anymore
but i'm fine now and i forgive you

you actually do consider all this to be conceivable
though your perseverance i have to say is much more admirable
trying to project this persona filled of amiable qualities
preaching god and forgiveness outward, outward, outward
you are a joke
i'd like to think you hit sent and shivered, switched right in your head
but i know better, i know of your persevering ignorance
you've got your fingers crumpled, your mind has fumbled
'cause it's nothing of loyalty, there are no ties binding you and me
the only similarity we bear is a tainted surname
our time has fizzled and any memory shared darkened
it's easy for you to shift focus and eagerly place blame
if you like i could offer you a slanted perspective
without shedding breath i could put you to shame
but something's diverged right there in your brain
there's no direction present, nothing poignant to say
something that never was, i simply asked you to pay
your rebuttal delivered was full of hate, contempt, shame
so if you don't mind i'll cut you off, and simply denigrate you all day


i'm not angry anymore