cringe

i can't stand you

your blog looks so lonely
oh dear, oh dear

i reserve my capital letters and correct punctuation for tumblr

'Black
Then…
Eternal darkness
Then…
Black, empty consciousness
Then…
Warmth?
Then…
Recognition of self.
Then…
A presence
Behind me
Then…
Development of sense of self
Then…
Red, red, red, RED, RED, RED, RED!!!!'

i walked to fast, sped up, now i'm just running, fucking sprinting to the line, my legs don't ache yet, i don't need to inhale yet, only run away; then collapse ready for 3 days of onslaught, 4 days of fatigue, a week of regret, months of denial, years of dependence > 3 hours of ecstasy.
i can't do this anymore.

terrified

i had it all thought out; what i was going to write
the end of tonight, edging into morning
i've had my phone on vibrate for 3 weeks now
i can't bear the sound of incoming message
what i want to write with all honesty is that i hate
i want to convey a message filled with contempt
just want to convey something to annihilate
but i can't, it's painful, only a dull ache
touching most of every corner that i digress
i guess you can say i'm just a mess
til now a whole new lower level of mess
i have to slow, to stop this soon
whilst i've still got strength left to put myself together
and pull the pieces of my head back in good order
they're scattered everywhere, dotted sporadic
this is it, this has to stop, i have to stop
i'm ever so slowly killing myself

so easy

surely i shouldn't be allowed to have this many fucking brilliant people surrounding me. i would do anything for you two. it's so effortless.

people in glass houses

quote or unquoted. pathetic. undeserving. reserved uneducated.
eyes ears nose and mouth mouth mouth mouth mouth, dance, deep breaths.

£148 BABY! tonight has been oh so superior!