scrape all your endeavours and push them together

life is so good right now, if a little overbearing
i can't find it anywhere in myself not to wear a grin
though i'm a bit lonely in my new half glass room
in a bed too big, with walls too tall and blindingly white
lets have a sleepover, perched under shadowed dotted lights
just half inside, halfway out

moving into my new room, i found 15 years worth of simon's diaries from before. i shouldn't read them. i shouldn't read them. i shouldn't read them. i shouldn't read them. i shouldn't read them. i shouldn't read them. i shouldn't read them. i shouldn't read them. i shouldn't. i can't.

26th april 1987...

oh god

three, four years and we're still going strong
i could age with you for a lifetime, and it still wouldn't be too long
i have so much time to offer to you
every other piece of myself has been altered by you
momentary relapse and functionally challenged
but i'd take it any other way with a sour look, pained
i can't bring myself to lie, even petty, though there are some i must upkeep
there's still a mirror part of me that you can't reflect, some i must retreat
something underneath you might never see, something dark and kept
don't fret though, i'll save you my light, and the echoes of laughter
and we'll charm throughout the night, and roll onto the next chapter
i'm so happy that i am aging with you
so content the next page yet to come features you
don't disappear before i do, let's drive it out, you me them me and you
you'll always be my number one
three, four years on and we'll still be going strong
tears are rarely shed, but i could cry at how much i do
and it's rarely ever said, but you know, i really fucking love you!


it's the good life better than the life i live when i thought that i was gonna go crazy
and now my grandmama ain't the only girl calling me baby
if you feeling me now then put your hands up in the sky
and let me hear you say hey hey hey hey i'm good

i can't even remember the date
when was it, when the hell was it?
oh my god, this has truly destroyed me

prick up

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUjfPVFhxhE

1131

look, my eyes remain milky again and it makes me wonder if i've been seeing thinks through hazy filters all of this time, i'm a little wiser today, a little less ignorant, a little more coherent, even if my hands are shaking and my eyesight is dotted and flickered with tiny sun spots, i see things for what they are today, maybe this will prove to be an altercation, maybe i'll remove myself from this, just drag myself away.

five days

here i go again, plunging fast, going with the wrong grain
get ready for another wave of deterioration

i can't even make this flow, inside my head, on paper, through keys.
everything that you coincide with is ruptured inside my brain.

Stella, Stellaha, oh Stella. Stella i love you, Stella i love you, Stella i love you